Fearless Is
by SabreDae
Summary: Becker, Connor, Abby, Jess, Matt, Emily and Lester - they're all fearless. They all look danger and death in the eye every day. Being fearless is practically in the job description for these integral members of the ARC organisation. But how are they realy fearless until they face their deepest fears?
1. Telling a Girl You Love Her

**A/N: I'm writing Primeval fics again! I feel like I've been away from this fandom for ages, but I just got a bit busy for taking on another story at the same time as a few others. Anyway, read on and let me know what you think!  
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**Telling a Girl You Love Her**

Captain Becker wasn't a fearful man. He hadn't been scared when he was serving out in Afghanistan. Even in the bomb raids and constant life-death situations, he'd always kept a cool-head and determinedly faced any threat. If he lost his life, he would be dying for his country. A worthwhile sacrifice. It was one of the things that got him his job at the ARC. When facing down a creature, he was exactly the same. He was serving a purpose in his job at the ARC. Every day he put his life in jeopardy to save the general public. To him it was no big deal. He'd been injured countless times and every time he got back up and returned to work as soon as the ARC medics declared him fit and healthy. At the next creature incursion, he didn't cower; he stood firm and calmly dealt with the situation in the exact same manner he always had. He was just courageous and brave; it came effortlessly to him. You only had to look at his ARC records to see it, notably the time he ran off distracting the future predators to save Abby, Danny, Connor and Jack.

In fact, the only time Becker wasn't quite so fearless was when he was confronted not with a prehistoric or futuristic creature that desperately wanted to tear his head from his body, but when he found himself alone with one young Field Co-ordinator.

Jessica Parker was young enough to be his sister, but he couldn't seem to control the overly-friendly feelings he had for her. He would never admit he fancied her, but there was definitely something about her – and it wasn't just the bright, patterned clothes she always wore – that caught and held his attention indefinitely. He was often berated for not concentrating during staff meetings. His only defence was that he couldn't help but be attracted to Jess, not that he ever said that.

He was brave, but he wasn't that fearless.

He'd been through enough failed relationships and awful breakups in the past to know not to risk his working relationship with Jess. And in their jobs, was it really fair to her to enter a relationship and then possibly leave her alone and grieving if he died on a mission? He could think of a thousand arguments not to tell her how he felt and only two to counter them: he should be true to himself, and that it wasn't fair to hide it from her when she clearly felt the same way.

Everyone at the ARC knew Jess fancied Becker. You'd have to be an idiot not to notice to way she got all breathless around him and couldn't seem to string together a coherent sentence whenever he was topless. It was like she lost her mind whenever she saw him. Even Lester had noticed her spending hours watching the CCTV feed of the armoury just to catch a glimpse of him, but he hadn't the heart to tell her off for it. She made no effort to hide her feelings, except for when she became shy around Hilary Becker. Nobody thought of Jess as fearless, so she could be excused from not marching up to him and stating clearly that she wanted to date him and then snog him senseless; but everyone thought Becker was a daring, plucky hero. No-one said it aloud, but every time he walked away from Jess without saying anything, he could almost hear his colleagues scathingly proclaiming his cowardice. Particularly Abby and Emily.

He knew that some time he would have to pluck up the courage to tell Jess how he felt. He wanted to have at least some time with her before it was too late. Only then would he be truly fearless.

After a particularly bad few weeks at the ARC, culminating in the fiasco of New Dawn and the subsequent convergences that followed, he knew he had to speak to her. He'd almost lost her. Twice. Once with the bugs from the future that bad bitten her and then again when the predators got loose in the ARC. He had been terrified then when he'd seen her slumped on the floor, cradling Lester's head in her lap, with smears of blood over her face and her dress. He hadn't even been able to tell if it was hers or not. Whilst he didn't particularly care for his own life, he would do anything to preserve hers.

"Jess," he said hesitantly, coming into the Hub behind her, "could I talk to you for a moment?"

Curious, she nodded and followed him from the room, tottering on her heels in small, rushed steps as she tried to compensate for his long strides.

Suddenly he stopped in a deserted corridor just outside the Rec room.

Now that he was doing it, and Becker was going to do it – he was determined – he couldn't quite find the words he wanted.

Growing nervous, Jess began rocking on the balls of her feet and looking anywhere but at Becker.

"You wanted to talk to me?" she asked, shooting him a glance and looking away again.

He nodded, taking a deep breath and diving in before he could run away from the conversation.

"I'd like to take you dancing," he blurted, being truly fearless for the first time in his life. "That is, if you want to come."

"Dancing? You?" Jess asked, doubting that the staunch, military man was being serious.

He nodded again. "I like you…"

Jess smiled. "Did you have a particular place in mind?"

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**A/N: I hope you guys liked this. :) Thanks for reading it. There will be more chapters to come, all of which are already written but I haven't done anything for past characters such as Jenny/Claudia or Nick or Stephan, so if you've got some ideas for how they're fearless, please let me know. I'd love to know what you thought of this chapter or even the idea behind the story, so review if you've got time. **

**Much love, SabreDae  
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**xxxx  
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	2. Facing a Creature

**A/N: I hope you like it! I'd love to hear what more of you think.  
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**Facing a Creature**

Telling people the truth had never really been a problem for Connor. Even confessing his feelings to Abby, though difficult, wasn't something he feared. He just hadn't been able to find the quite the right words but he managed it eventually. No, for him, what he'd most struggled with was his image. Everybody he knew saw him as the geek, the nerdy kid, whilst he was surrounded by people like Becker, Men of Action, who outclassed him in so many ways. He didn't have big muscles like Becker or Matt. He wasn't as good as leader as Danny was. He wasn't even as intelligent as Cutter was. And he was useless with guns compared to Becker and his men. The only thing he'd ever been good at was trivia quizzes, video games and inventing things, though not necessarily things that were of any use.

Nobody thought he was brave because he was always overshadowed by the others. It was Becker's acts of heroism in the future that everyone remembered. It was Stephen's self-sacrifice that had saved them all from Leek's gladiatorial games. It was Danny who had courageously followed Helen through the anomalies to stop her poisoning all the human ancestors. It was Jenny who had been brave when confronted with the mushroom fungus. But when he had found himself stuck with the hyenadons, he'd hidden away from the adults and locked the door instead of going out and facing them. Even without an EMD, Becker probably would have still gone out there.

But Connor feared the creatures; it was as simple as that. Becker was fearless when charging down a creature just like Matt was fearless with the T-Rex, but every time Connor came face to face with something carnivorous like the future predators or the giganotosaurus, he froze. His fear incapacitated him. And then he ran.

He even worried that Abby might leave him, finally seeing him for the coward he was. Desperate to keep her, he knew he had to do something to show her how brave he was – though, of course, if he had spoken to Abby about all of this beforehand, she would have told him his fears were ridiculous.

But it wasn't easy. Connor had grown up being pampered by his mother. She'd let him stay home the moment he got a runny nose and always wrote to the school principals when he was being bullied. He had his "allergies" and she gave him all the sympathy he desired. But Connor got a shock when he first met Nick Cutter and Stephen Hart and was introduced to the world of anomalies. There was no time for allergies. There was no possibility of being afraid. Somehow he'd managed to fool them all and had been kept on as a member of the core team, going into the field despite his heart being full of conflict and terror. If he belonged anywhere, it was at the ADD with Jess or in the lab, not on the front line with an EMD and a bunch of dinosaurs chasing him.

But what Connor appeared to have misunderstood was that being fearless didn't mean you weren't scared. It meant being able to overcome your fear, as he soon discovered in one eventful convergence.

His heart pounded. He was alone, stranded from the rest of the ARC team, because he was supposed to be locking the anomaly whilst they rounded up the creatures that had managed to disperse from the site of the glowing orb of light. But he wasn't quite as alone as he would have liked. Before he got the chance to even initiate the locking sequence, a raptor had skittered through the anomaly, swiftly followed by two more. Picking up his trusty EMD, Connor aimed and pulled the trigger, but nothing happened. The damn thing had jammed. Instinctively, he knew that wouldn't have happened if he'd invented it.

Grinning like the Cheshire cat, one of the raptors took a step closer and Connor froze, knowing his life was over. His life was going to be over and he hadn't even married Abby yet. That would always be his biggest regret.

Forgetting about the comms unit in his ear and the phone in his pocket, he backed up; contemplating trying to run but found his feet and legs seemed to be out-of-sync with his nervous system. Whilst his brain was screaming at him to run, his body seemed to be listening to some silent, but loud music that blocked the messages from being heard and understood.

Moving, two of the raptors came to be at his sides, leaving him surrounded with the possibility of more coming through the still unlocked anomaly. He couldn't even reached the locking device now.

Connor trained his eyes on his laptop, still sitting untouched, and threw himself flat just as a raptor jumped for him. He watched it fly over the top of him as a mass of blurred colours whilst he rolled for all he was worth and practically punched the enter button. The anomaly locked as the electrical charge was fired into it, leaving Connor with three seething raptors.

Still scared, more like petrified, Connor picked up his useless EMD and held it close even though it would be of no use protecting him. The three raptors advanced. His heart was beating unevenly as his death came closer and he closed his eyes, ready to feel their claws and teeth sinking into his flesh. Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes and found himself determined to go down fighting. Flipping the EMD in his hands so that he was holding the wrong end, he proceeded to use it like a sword in a fencing match to whack the raptors and keep them at bay.

He kept it up for as long as he could, though he didn't even know how much time had passed, when suddenly a succession of EMD bolts passed him and nailed the three raptors, knocking them unconscious. Relieved and in disbelief that he was still alive, Connor dropped his own now severely damaged EMD just in time to have Abby throw herself into his arms and place kisses all over him.

"That was the bravest thing I've ever seen," she whispered.

Connor sadly shook his head. He knew the truth. Despite how it may have appeared, his racing heart was still evidence of how truly terrified he had been.

"It was. You were fearless," she insisted.

"Feel my heart, Abby. I'm still afraid of them," he replied sadly.

Her hand was already resting over his heart and though she paused a minute to really feel how fast his heart was beating, she told him again, "Being fearless doesn't mean not being afraid; it means being able to overcome your fear, like you did just now when you faced those raptors. Matt wouldn't have been able to beat them like you did."

"He would. What I did was easy," Connor countered.

"What is it going to take for you to believe me?" Abby asked in frustration. "I don't care who could do it, Connor. I only care that _you _did it! And I love you for it. I'll always love you no matter how brave you are," she declared, pressing her lips against his to stop any protests he might have.

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**A/N: So what did you think? Leave a review if you've got time. **


	3. Opening Up and Being True to Yourself

**A/N: Thanks to Prawn Crackers for reviewing! I'd love to hear from some more of you dear readers.  
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**Opening Up and Being True to Yourself**

Abby could be strong and independent on the outside, perhaps more so than any of the other women working at the ARC. It came across in all the tomboyish clothes she used to wear and the short skirts she wore with leggings and laced-up boots. But as she'd once told Connor, she could 'do the girl thing' too. On the inside, she supposed that was perhaps more who she was. She was kind and compassionate, though fiery and determined at the same time. But most of all she was defiant of other people presuming to hold any authority over her. What people most remarked upon was her gift with animals and her deep-seated care for them. She was loyal and willing to stand up for anyone.

But there was a difference on the inside. Abby had never told anyone about her past, about why her brother was so precious to her and why they were all the other had. She was sure Lester would know – she had a personal file and all her background was likely to be on it. The Civil Service, the Home Office in particular, would have done very thorough background and security checks on her before she'd even signed the Official Secrets Act with them. So that meant Connor could know, as she knew for a fact that he'd seen her personal file a number of times, though he'd never broached the topic with her. Abby thought it was something that would have cropped up in conversation at least once if he knew.

Her past was one of the reasons she preferred animals to humans. Nobody ever asked her why she'd worked at Wellington Zoo either. But that was why. The animals there wouldn't hurt her, not the lizards or snakes or insects. It was also why she was so tough, why she did kick boxing and karate. She wanted to make sure that nobody ever hurt her again, and she succeeded bar a few nasty, dangerous boyfriends along the way.

Now that she was with Connor though, she was happy. He'd never willingly hurt her; he was devoted to her. Every time she seemed to be descending into a more depressive state, he worked his hardest to pull her out of it, pulling crappy joke after crappy joke and whisking her off to obscure places to just enjoy the wildlife and being together. Sometimes he'd even bring Rex along with them, and the lovable lizard would help her too. She was happier than she'd ever been with Connor, but at the back of her mind she knew it wouldn't be right until she'd told him everything about her, until she'd completely opened herself up to him.

But that was easier said than done. Her irrational fear was that if she told him, he'd judge her, he'd think differently of her. Everyone did. The only one who could truly understand was Jack because he'd been there and experienced it with her.

That inner fear sometimes threatened to drive her mad, and she knew the only way to get past it, to overcome her fear, was to tell Connor. She'd tried so many times but somehow always ended up telling him about some new science fiction show that was starting on tv instead. She got the feeling that sometimes he seemed suspicious and wanted to ask her something, but he never piped up. It was to be expected really, wasn't it? After so long keeping to herself and hardly offering up any personal information, even when asked, why would he bother to ask anymore? There were times where he would open his mouth only to close it seconds later, looking so crestfallen.

Other people seemed to have noticed it too.

One day at the ARC, Jess commented, "Connor seems a little down today. Are you guys okay?"

Abby nodded. She and Connor were okay. They weren't arguing or screaming at each other. They weren't ignoring each other. There was no obvious problem.

"Jess, can I ask you something?" Abby asked, hoping her friend would be able to give her some advice on whether to tell Connor. After all, there was no point in worrying him if he didn't need to know. And, Abby was keen to avoid all the sympathy. It had happened long ago and she was largely over the trauma, she just couldn't stand it when someone brought it all back up.

"Of course, you know me," Jess answered. "I'm always willing to listen."

"Right," Abby murmured, beginning to lose her resolve. "Well…it's just do you think that you should share all of yourself with someone, even the parts you don't like, or is it okay to just share part of yourself with someone?" Before Jess could even answer, Abby continued, "Actually, you know what? Just forget I even said anything. It doesn't matter."

But back at the flat that night, Abby couldn't help feeling she wasn't being very loyal to Connor by not giving him all of her. He had always shared himself with her: his past, his present, his future he'd given and shared with her. Was she betraying him by shielding him, or rather herself, from this one last history she had? If he could be brave enough to distract future predators away from her so she could rescue her brother, didn't she owe it to him to find some of her own courage and tell him?

When he got back from the takeaway with two fresh pizzas, she'd made up her mind. They ate the pizza in companionable silence, munching away deep in their own thoughts. Whilst Abby tried to figure out a way to broach the topic, Connor was pondering for the umpteenth time with little success what Abby could possibly be hiding from him. It didn't take a genius to work out that there was something bothering her. He'd noticed it as soon as they got back from the cretaceous. She would often stare at him intently and then suddenly disappear somewhere. He'd catch her staring out one of their windows, yet the moment he came up behind her and asked what she was looking at, she would reply, 'nothing.' Nobody stared at nothing. Not even the mentally unstable. They could see something; it just wasn't there for everyone else to see.

"Abby-"

"-Connor," she said at the same time, pausing as she realised.

"You go," he muttered, grabbing her plate and his to take them to the dishwasher.

"I've been meaning to talk to you for quite a while…"

He nodded.

"…About my childhood." She paused again, unsure what else to say.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Connor offered, sensing her reluctance.

"No, I do or I'll never do it," she replied. Taking a deep breath, she continued, "When I was a kid, I was a-"

"You can tell me anything," he reminded her, his hands softly running up and down her arms from wrist to elbow in what he hoped was a soothing gesture.

"I was abused," she finally whispered.

His hands froze and he looked at her with wide eyes that held all the pity she hated seeing.

"Oh, Abs," he said, just as quiet in their suddenly overly-large flat. "Come here." His arms moved behind her back and he pulled her into the warmest, most secure hug, one of his hands smoothing down her hair as she trembled in his arms. He'd never seen her so vulnerable. Even in the cretaceous she'd been the strong one. She was always the strong one. But, he realised then that sometimes he might have to carry some of the load and be tough too.

"It must have been so hard, but you're here and you got through it just like you get through everything."

Relief at finally having got it out in the open washed over Abby. She felt free all of a sudden, as if she could go anywhere and do anything. There was no dark cloud hanging over her and holding her back. She'd opened up about herself and now there was no going back. She'd become too fearless for that.

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**A/N: I wrote this for Abby because apparently Hannah Spearritt has said that Abby was abused as a child. I'd love to know what you think about that and the chapter so review if you've got time. **


	4. Facing a Fear

**A/N: I'm not sure what you guys will think of this one but hopefully you'll like it. Thanks go to SAndyLeePotts, Mijo54 and Crystal2222 for reviewing! Anyway, read on.  
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**Facing a Fear**

Jessica Parker was scared of many things. She always had been. As a child, her father had been quick to label her a hypochondriac due to her incessant worrying. But whilst she didn't think she would die from a broken arm, she was wary of how fatal insect bites could be. One of her first fears had been insects, and from there the list grew.

Throughout the years, she'd managed to forget about some of them. Working at the ARC helped with that. Being afraid of spoons wasn't really a sensible phobia when people around you stared death in the face on a daily basis. The herbivorous creatures at the ARC like Rex, or Sid and Nancy didn't bother her, but she was still deathly afraid of insects and bats. And like any sane person she knew just from watching the CCTV feeds, she would never be able to stand in front of a t-rex or raptor without getting frozen with fear.

Being stuck in front of the ADD was kind of a relief, even if it meant she had to watch people sacrifice their lives, like the girl in the school. She still had nightmares about that.

As a knowledgeable person, she knew the methods behind conquering a fear: flooding or systematic desensitisation. Although she would never hold a beetle in her hand, she was able to calmly get rid of one if the need arose. But she never would understand how she could shoot one of the futuristic bugs with an EMD pulse when she was half-delirious and in dire need of her epipen. Her parents had referred her to a therapist for some of her more ridiculous phobias, curing her fear of heights and enclosed spaces. But there was no way Jess could go to a therapist about her biggest fear.

She couldn't talk about her fear of losing a close friend because she wasn't at liberty to talk about the ARC, the creatures, the anomalies or a thousand other things. The Official Secrets Act was beginning to become a royal pain in the arse.

Watching team members die on a weekly basis, whilst she was coordinating them, had given her a phobia. She called it Thanatophobia, though she wasn't afraid of her own death or what would happen to the others if she died – she was sure they would be able to carry on without her. No, after becoming so close to the core team, in particular, she knew she wouldn't be able to bear it if one of them was killed in an incursion. Abby and Connor had become brother and sister to her since living in her flat. On nights out, or even on the job, Matt and Emily spent so much time telling she, Abby and Connor off and being responsible that they'd somehow become parents of the group. And Becker, well, Hilary Becker was the handsome prince who rescued them all, Jess thought.

After bearing a crush on him for so long, imagining all the ways they might get together and what they would do if he ever did profess profound feelings for her, Jess knew losing him especially would be like somehow lopping off one of her limbs. It would kill her.

Every day, her heart would stop and her fingers would tremble as they typed instructions into the ADD all while Becker and the team were risking their lives. Sometimes, she thought it impaired her judgement, but Abby or Emily always reassured her that when things went wrong, it wasn't her fault. Even if she was often their eyes and ears, she hadn't made Philips or Carter face a giganotosaurus alone. Nor had she sent Rogers and the squad's car off a cliff – the allosaurus had done that. Nobody held anything against her for being unable to save members of personnel. It was usually Matt who pointed out that without her, and her canny ability to hack into CCTV feeds, there would probably be even more deaths amongst the ARC staff.

Unable to physically talk to anyone about her fear – because, of course, Emily or Abby would tell her she was being ridiculous and that they could all look after themselves – Jess couldn't overcome the fear until it had almost happened.

She was on her day off when she got the call, from Lester of all people. She thought at first that he was ringing to ask her why she wasn't at work or if she could come in. She was shocked when he revealed what had happened, and encouraged her to get down to St James' hospital.

Her heart was racing all through the journey in her little, pink VW Beetle.

By the time she was parked, she was in a state of constant panic, jumping at the slightest noise as she waited for the doctor in the waiting room. She'd given the receptionist her name and her security clearance information, but they insisted that she wouldn't be allowed to see him because she wasn't family. She could only talk to the doctor. She was saved by Lester turning up and demanding she be let through with numerous references to the government, the Minister and hundreds of other influential people, as well as some government credentials, Jess was sure.

Her breathing seemed too loud as she made her way down the silent corridor to his room, her heels clacking against the floor tiles.

Through the window, she saw him. His chest was covered in bandages, criss-crossing over him, though you could still see the faint outlines of dried blood on some of his skin. His leg was still strapped in a brace and covered in more bandaging. His face bore a number of scratch marks, and he even had teeth indentations on his arms, though how they hadn't punctured his skin, Jess didn't know. It was safe to say that, hooked onto a drip and a ventilator that was doing his breathing, Becker was on the brink of death. The team sat around him, each of them bearing some kind of injury. Emily had an arm in plaster cast and a sling, Connor was holding an icepack over his leg, Matt's hands and arms were a mess of cuts from where he'd been showered in glass and Abby had a bandage wrapped around her head.

The car had rolled six times, the windshield had broken and the roof had caved in. All that had happened before the terror birds had even gotten close to them. Injured and dazed, they'd been in no condition to fight off the birds. Becker was the first to be dragged off, with them almost tearing his leg off. Abby had been unconscious from the roof hitting her, and since he'd been driving, Matt had been showered with all the glass from the windscreen and side-window. Emily was trapped by the grip she'd maintained around the door handle, though she gritted her teeth and pulled her arm out, though it meant she dislocated her wrist as well as broke her radius. She and Connor were the only ones who were able to help Becker, but they were too late and only hurt themselves further.

It was back-up who retrieved Becker's body and carried it on a makeshift stretcher back to the others, where ARC medics had arrived and were treating them. Becker's injuries were too severe though for him to not go to hospital.

Lying in a coma, Jess thought there wasn't any way he could be closer to death. He looked like he would just stop breathing any minute. You could see the effort it was taking to keep his body held together. When she was at his bedside, she could count the stitches when the nurses changed his bandages. For three weeks, she visited every day and waited for him to wake up, before accepting that perhaps he never would. The decisions regarding whether or not to turn off the life support rested with Lester and Becker's family.

She'd given up hope when she got the call that he'd woken up. After that, after feeling deep inside for months that he was dead, she couldn't say she feared it happening to the others because she understood the feeling. She'd been surprised when she was able to carry on with work. Lester had offered all the core team a week off, but after a day, Jess had returned to work. She needed to be busy, she'd decided.

When he returned to work, yet more months later, Jess still worried about his safety, but it wasn't such a debilitating anxiety. She didn't fear it the same way. She wasn't sure she was quite fearless, but there was certainly an improvement. And it was an achievement, a move in the right direction, that she'd managed to overcome her fear.

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**A/N: Incidentally, I was looking at the list of Phobias and do you know what ****Didaskaleinophobia means? Fear of school or going to school, so now people now have an excuse not to go to school :P Somehow, I don't think the teachers would approve though. Also the fear of spoons thing - I read a celebrity has it but I can't remember who it was. :P Anyway, let me know what you think!  
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	5. Telling the Truth

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who's been reviewing! Have you guys seen the comment box and the new buttons - they're not rounded at the corners anymore! :o Anyway, you guys probably don't care about that so I'll just shut up and let you read.  
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**Telling the Truth**

The truth could be a scary thing. Telling the truth could hurt people, something Matt knew all too well. He knew he could never tell anyone who he really was, just like ARC staff couldn't reveal to the public what they really did.

Then again that was a state secret enforced by the British government; nobody but himself made him keep his mouth shut. There was no way he could tell the team he was from the future without telling them why he was on the team and what his mission was. Even if he neglected those details, Connor would be the first to start questioning him about what had happened to cause the earth to turn sterile and why he'd gone back in time. Answering those questions would be just as bad. To reveal such details would probably cause some of the team to realise that he suspected them of causing the disaster. And that certainly wouldn't go down well. Matt could just picture the look of hurt crossing Connor's face, the anger on Becker's. Jess might try and stand up for him, but it would do no good.

Whilst he knew that the EMDs wouldn't kill him, he definitely didn't want to be on the receiving end of one of Becker's shots when he found out about who he was and why he was working in the ARC. Captain Becker was one of the best shots in the country. Knowing him, Matt was sure that he'd be able to get him in the chest, neck or even arse without even trying. It would be even worse considering that Becker was already itching for a chance to get even with Matt after the whole fiasco where he hadn't believed the botanist that the EMDs would work.

Shaking his head, Matt tried to stop himself imagining just how much the EMD pulse would hurt.

"Are you okay?" Emily asked, seeing the odd look on his face.

"Hmm?" he questioned back, so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he hadn't even heard what she said. He'd only vaguely seen her mouth move out of the corner of his eye.

"I asked if you were feeling alright," Emily murmured, reaching out and testing Matt's forehead for his temperature. Finding it normal, she removed her hand and frowned. He certainly had something on his mind, but what it was she had no clue.

"I'm fine," Matt told her, masking his lie behind a shrug and trying to shoot her a smile.

Unconvinced, Emily maintained a close watch on him. The longer she surveyed him, going over a few days, the more she was sure he was hiding something. But she didn't say anything for fear she was wrong. She'd only known him a matter of days, so how could she effectively judge his character and his body language? Worse, what if she voiced her assumption and turned out to be wrong? What would Matthew say then?

Matt couldn't escape the feeling that he was being watched, that someone was close to discovering him. He was sure Jess was suspicious of him but Gideon had never instructed him on what to do if someone found out – they hadn't planned for that eventuality. His father had obviously placed too much trust in him, Matt thought.

He found himself being more secretive than ever, trying to accommodate for that the fact that he couldn't even be himself at home anymore, not with Emily Merchant staying in his flat. Not only was he hiding his own past, but he was also trying to hide her from the government. As if a portent for his own secret, Lester and the ARC discovered Emily. Fearing that it wouldn't be long before he was cast out of the ARC and left unable to finish his mission, Matt decided that perhaps it was time to enlist some help.

Turning to the one person he believed he could, he consulted Emily. After all, she already had some idea of his purpose within the ARC due to his frequent questions concerning Ethan. He was also certain that she was not involved with the manipulation of the anomalies and therefore wouldn't be able to tip off whoever was responsible. And it didn't matter if she knew he was from the future as she would soon be returning to her own time, he supposed.

But once Emily had returned to the 1860s, Matt was back to being alone with his lies, and beginning to suspect his team of foul-play, specifically Connor. The scientist had to be involved with what went wrong with the anomalies; but what Matt didn't know was whether he was masterminding it or acting as someone else's puppet.

Keeping his suspicions to himself, Matt felt awful as he kept a close watch over Connor Temple and, by association, Abby too. Working alongside the pair, he'd begun to grow close to them and the core team were slowly but surely becoming friends. Matt found it especially hard to believe that someone who had been in the anomaly operation since the beginning and had done so much of the groundwork that allowed the ARC to deal with the incursions, creating the ADD and the locking mechanism, could bring about the end of the world.

Despite this, Matt never intended to tell Abby; she was too close to Connor and he still wasn't sure if he trusted her. His instincts told him she was. No-one else cared about the creatures as much as she did, but looks could be deceiving. Revealing the truth was unavoidable and if he hadn't said anything, Matt was sure that Abby would have continued to dig and investigate him. In the face of that, telling her didn't seem such a big deal and he never told her the whole truth anyway, he left much of it to her interpretation and ability to guess correctly.

What really scared Max was telling everyone, and it was almost too late. He knew he'd been a fool. He was sure Connor or Jess would have had no trouble telling the truth and would have done it long ago had they been in his position, after all it certainly seemed impossible to try to save the world alone.

Still, he had to do it, he had to tell everyone. The incident with the beetles proved that, if anything. If he'd perhaps told the team from the beginning who he was, what his purpose was and his suspicions of Philip Burton, then Connor might never have begun working with Philip, and New Dawn would never have even started. By not telling people, Matt had just put people's lives at risk.

The next day after the beetle invasion, Matt called a team meeting.

Nervously, he waited, pacing the length of the hub. Emily was already with him, of course, and wholeheartedly supported his intentions, but he was still reluctant to tell his teammates. Becker arrived, and then Connor, Abby and Jess.

"Okay, I've arranged for us to talk in Lester's office," Matt began. "We all know that yesterday Philip almost killed us with the incineration operation. Luckily for us, the beetles chewed through the electrics required to work it and so we're all still here today."

The team nodded. It wasn't new information.

"But there's something else I've got to tell you," Matt continued, pausing as he tried to think of a way to phrase it. Emily nodded encouragingly at him. Deciding that it would be best to just get it over with before he could back out, Matt took a deep breath and blurted, "I'm from the future."

Becker choked in surprise. Jess gasped, though she wasn't too shocked given she always had thought Matt was hiding something. Connor too was less surprised than he would have been a few days ago and with the current mood, he couldn't even ask about stock tips, or crack a joke.

"There's a reason I'm here working in the ARC. I was sent back in time from the sterile future with the predators and the flying ants to find out what caused the end of the world and stop it from happening."

"It's because of New Dawn, isn't it?" Connor asked, feeling dread at the answer. It was all his fault. Through helping Philip create an anomaly, he had started the end of the world.

"I believe so," Matt answered, the team seeming to forget about the fact that his investigative role meant they were implemented as suspects.

"Which is why we've got to sabotage his machine, stop him from opening an anomaly," Emily said.

"How?" Abby asked, wondering just how Matt expected to be able to waltz into Prospero and destroy Burton's machine when they didn't have any form of clearance to get in the building.

"I can get you in," Connor replied, suddenly feeling useful and good about himself again. "I can give you the passcodes, the layout of the building, information about how to destroy the machine…anything."

Thus far Becker and Jess had been silent.

"Hang on a minute," Becker interjected. "If you've been investigation what and who is going to cause the end of the world then surely-"

"-Yes, I was investigating all of you," Matt answered, already knowing what Becker would say. "I'm sorry I didn't trust you-"

Matt never finished his sentence as he was met with a barrage of aggro from Becker. Abby and Connor, who both suspected as much due to the fact that Matt had copied Connor's harddrive, watched. Emily stepped forwards, beginning to try to defend Matt, but Becker wouldn't listen to her either.

"Hold on!" Jess called suddenly. "Imagine if _you _were Matt. You don't know who you can trust so you suspect everybody."

Becker grunted, but conceded that Jess had a point.

"Alright, Anderson what do we do?" Becker asked.

"Would you mind telling me who authorised you to be in my office? And while you're at it would someone care to explain why the ARC is in pieces? Really, I leave it in your care for a day and I come back to find giant mice seem to have invaded."

"Lester-" Connor began.

"Someone other than Sid here?"

"Connor opened an anomaly in his lab and released hundreds of prehistoric beetles into the ARC who ate their way through the building. Matt and Connor used gamma radiation to get rid of them though, but Philip tried to kill us all by incinerating the whole building, but it didn't work because the beetles chewed through all the wiring and, oh yeah, Matt's from the future and is here to stop the end of the world, which Philip is causing through something called New Dawn, by opening a huge anomaly which is supposed to provide sustainable energy but clearly won't," Jess rambled, tacking on a 'sir' at the end.

"Just wonderful," Lester replied. "Could I have that again, perhaps slower this time?"

"Why not have it in writing, sir?" Becker responded sarcastically.

Matt explained this time.

"So…I leave you for a matter of days and you nearly destroy the ARC and you turn out to be either a visitor from the future or, in fact, and I think this is the more likely option, clinically mad."

"That pretty much sums it up," Becker muttered under his breath.

"The former," Matt retorted. In all honesty, he could say that he had expected much worse from the team and his boss than a bit of sarcasm and some angry words. "But then, I would say that if I was clinically mad, right?" he added, looking away from Lester in amusement. Perhaps telling the truth wasn't so bad after all.

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**A/N: So what did you think? Leave a 'comment' if you have time. :P  
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	6. Standing Up for Yourself

**A/N: Thanks go to Rubytronix, Hilary Parker, Prawn Crackers, Guest and Mijo54 for reviewing! I hope you all like this chapter. Let me know what you think.  
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**Standing up for Yourself**

Emily Merchant was a lot of things but before she stepped into the anomaly and found herself in an entirely different time, she couldn't say she was fearless. Emily Merchant wasn't afraid of her new husband, Lord Henry Merchant, but then again she never spoke out against him either and nor did she tell him what she really thought.

It just wasn't done. If anyone ever bad mouthed her, regardless of whether they were a man or a woman, she took it in silence. She never raised her voice and she never made any objection to what they said. It just wasn't done in the Victorian times. Emily had been raised to act properly, to act like a lady, and ladies never shouted, never spoke out of turn to a man and never challenged a man either. It was the social norm.

It was only through her travels that Emily discovered there could be any other way of life. Just like a gap year student travelling the world might, Emily discovered a new part of herself. She became assertive and confident. She became a leader. Ethan, Charlotte and the others, they all looked to her for advice and direction.

But she still wouldn't stand up for herself. She would present an opposing view to someone else but if someone ordered her to do something, she would still do it, afraid of the consequences. If she'd disobeyed her husband, she would have been punished. Henry really did stick to the traditional ways. He didn't want an opinionated wife or a wife that could talk to him intellectually. He certainly didn't want a wife who would challenge him or make her own decisions. He wanted a wife subservient to his own needs and desires, a wife who would let him control her.

But Emily always had been wilful. Whilst she never challenged Henry, being married to him wasn't what she wanted. If she'd been able to make her own choice, she never would have married him. In fact, she might never have married at all.

Being in the 21st century changed her more than anything. When she lived with Matt, he had always given her options or asked her to make decisions, even for things as simple as whether she wanted a cup of tea.

She was given so much freedom that she found herself beginning to actually disobey orders now that she was used to doing what she wanted.

Captain Becker in particular was not happy with her behaviour, especially when she didn't leave during lockdown because she was 'non-essential staff'. But Emily was also beginning to see that it didn't matter what other people thought. In fact when he confronted her over the matter of her disobeying a direct order, she told him quite frankly that she thought he was wrong. It was amazing that in the 21st century there were no repercussions for such a blatant act of disrespect towards men.

She imagined that had she been born in the 21st century she would have thrived.

Returning to the 1800s was a shock to her system. Thrust back into the constraints of the lack of women's rights, she found herself having to act meek and altruistic when it was the very opposite of who she was and how she wanted to act. If she did speak her mind, Henry rebuked her for it, telling her that 'it wasn't what women did' or that the topic 'didn't concern women'.

Needing some time to be herself, Emily began to seek small victories over Henry. She didn't disobey him. She never challenged him. She didn't even embarrass him in public. No, Emily began to spread the odd rumour. She pawned some of his belongings. She did all she could to feel free. But as Henry never knew it was her, or didn't make it clear that he did, she didn't feel the satisfaction of her actions.

It took Matt's arrival in the 1860s to really make her stand up for herself.

Punching Henry, even if it was for his own safety, had felt good. She even started ordering Matt around, telling him, "You're in my time now. We do this my way." It surprised her that he actually listened after being around Henry for so long.

At first she didn't want to leave – she was with her friends again, back home.

"I was wrong to tell you to come back here," Matt said, trying to persuade her to leave with him. "I've really missed you."

If he wanted to play on Emily's heartstrings, it was working. She could feel herself welling up and did her best not to cry. The truth was, she had begun to feel something for Matt Anderson before she left the 21st century.

"And I you," she told him. But that didn't mean she would leave with him. "Goodbye Matt."

Though he didn't want to, Matt knew it would do no good to try and talk her round. Emily was too determined. There was no way she'd let him tell her what to do, not anymore. Maybe once he could have convinced her, but she'd had too much experience of her freedom to want to be held down by someone, even if she did think she might love that person.

"Stop there," Henry said, pointing his pistol at her. "You are a murderer and an adulteress. You will account for your crime."

Disobeying him, she jumped down over the banister, landing in front of the anomaly.

"Don't move," he repeated. "I will fire. I will shoot!"

And for the first time in her life, Emily stood up for herself. "No," she replied firmly, feeling courage in her veins. She wouldn't let her life be ruled by Henry Merchant of all people. She wouldn't give her will to him and she wouldn't put up with him any longer. As she walked forwards, knowing that at any moment she could be hit with a bullet, she knew she was being reckless, but then again she'd always been reckless. She'd been reckless when she walked into the glowing ball of light. Right then, she was fearless. She'd stood up to him, disobeyed him even though she knew he wouldn't like it, though she knew he'd punish her. But still she'd done it, she had to be fearless to do that.

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**A/N: So what did you think? There's one chapter left for Lester next and then a possible extra chapter for Matt. If you think there's a character I haven't done but should or a way that one of the characters is fearless that I haven't written, please let me know and I may write it.**


	7. Lying to your Wife

**A/N: So, this is the last chapter before I see if I have time to add some more. Therefore, in case I don't, I'm going to list this story as complete. I hope you like this chapter, though in no way do I condone Lester's actions. :P  
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**Lying to Your Wife**

James Lester had lied to a lot of people.

He lied to the minister on a daily basis, telling little white lies to keep the ARC operation running. If James Lester had been honest, then the ARC operation would have been closed down long ago or he'd have been replaced as Director. In fact, Lester almost considered it his job to lie to the minister – it was what all civil servants did after all.

Not only did James Lester lie to the minister, but he lied to the public. The public didn't know of the existence of the ARC, they didn't know about the anomalies and they didn't know about the dinosaurs coming through them though it was getting harder and harder to contain the secret. Lester didn't of course lie directly to the public – he wasn't the person who stood in front of a microphone and presented them with some cover story for the latest incursion. He did, however, authorise each cover story and lied to the public through the head of Public Relations.

In fact, James Lester had lied to so many people that the only person he hadn't lied to was his wife. Of course, she didn't know exactly what he did at the ARC but he'd been as honest as he could, telling her he was running a secret organisation protecting the public from harm. She didn't need to know the details about the dinosaurs or the anomalies – it would only panic her, surely? And what was to say Pamela Lester would even believe him? She was so used to his sarcasm that she would most likely think he was joking.

The reason he had never lied to her though, was that Pamela Lester could get so angry. Pamela Lester literally turned pink in the face when she was angry. A vein would pop in her forehead, she would slam things about, she would throw away his ties (his precious coloured ties). She could just completely lose it when she was angry. And if there was one thing Pamela hated most, it was lying. If truth be told, James Lester was a little bit scared of Pamela when she was angry. She seemed to turn into a witch, looking just like Ursula in that Disney movie his kids had once made him watch.

James thought he would never have to lie to Pamela. He was wrong.

He hadn't expected her to turn up at the ARC of all places. He'd been simply sat in his office on a telephone call with the minister, when his office door had opened and Jess popped her head in.

He held up his finger, asking her to wait a moment and finished his conversation with the minister. It wouldn't do to hang up on him, even if he was an idiot in Lester's opinion. Sighing, he turned to Jess.

"Yes, Miss Parker?"

"You're wife's here," Jess replied.

"My wife's what?"

"Here," Jess answered politely.

"Here, as in in the car park?" Lester asked hopefully.

"No." Jess stepped into the room and held the door open for Pamela, who walked in still wearing the suit she'd gone to work in that morning.

"Pamela," James said in surprise, jumping to his feet and kissing her cheek. "What are you doing here? I thought you were seeing a client today."

"I was but Mr Bishop cancelled and then the practise got a call from the hospital."

"Really?" James asked, doing his best to sound interest. It was a hard life being Pamela's husband, he always said. Although James loved her, he really wasn't interested in the goings on at her solicitor's practise.

"Yes, you're mother's ill again. I tried ringing your personal line but it was busy-"

"-Really? Normally I'm alone with my thoughts in here – there's barely anything to occupy my attention," Lester interjected sardonically. His wife knew he spent great amounts of time on the phone with the minister, who often requested a report on recent events.

"So I phoned the number you left for emergencies and spoke with your assistant and she said to come straight down."

'_Assistant_?' James thought in confusion. '_Oh, she must mean Miss Parker_.' It couldn't have been anyone else Pamela spoke to – all his secretaries were under strict instructions not to let his wife anywhere near the building or even patch her through to his phone. If she did phone the ARC they were all to say he either wasn't there or was stuck in a meeting and would call her back when he got the chance.

"Oh, I'm sorry you had to come all this way dear, but I'm just so busy. I only just got off the phone with the minister and I've got three reports to write up-"

"-But it's your mother, James, she's had a heart attack."

"Well why didn't you say so?" James asked, taking his suit jacket from the back of his chair and donning it. He strode to the door and opened it for his wife, following her out. Although he seemed callous and uncaring at times, James Lester did care for people, most especially his family.

As they hurried through the corridors of the ARC to the car park, Pamela said, "I must say. It's all rather mysterious in here, isn't it? All those computers – I feel like I'm at the MI6 headquarters."

"Not quite dear, I gather they're much better funded. I hear they've even got a coffee machine."

The ARC's lack of coffee machine was a deep annoyance for Lester, who liked his coffee fresh and without the lumps that the instant crap created.

"Come now, you must be able to tell me what really goes on here. It's all very James Bond. You don't have a codename do you?"

"I'm afraid I can't dear. Government business and all."

She continued to nag him, asking question after question, until they got to the car.

"Dear, I really can't say. I've signed the Official Secrets Act."

"Definitely Secret Services then, isn't it?"

James was desperate to get her off his back. The continued questions were killing him. He'd do anything to shut her up, but the only way to make her stop asking him questions was to give her an answer. But he couldn't give her an answer because that would be lying. Or could he? He only needed to worry about her anger if she found out that he'd lied. And James Lester really couldn't see how his wife would find out that ARC stood for the Anomaly Research Centre and that they investigated anomalies and saved the public from the dinosaurs that came through them. Nobody would find that out.

Sucking in a deep breath, Lester turned to her, leaning on the roof of his shiny Jag. It would still take a lot of guts to really lie to her. And despite the low likelihood of Pamela finding out the truth, he was still worried about that eventuality.

"Yes dear, you're right. I'm the head of a new Secret Service set up by the government. ARC stands for Administrative Reconnaissance Centre. We have a number of agents working for us now, but we're still just getting onto our feet. We're not running operations in Afghanistan just yet, but we do have people monitoring the Syrian crisis and undercover here in Britain, trying to infiltrate criminal gangs, drugs rings, even terrorist circles. You name it, we've got people involved," James lied, already feeling guilty.

Looking impressed, Pamela replied, "Oh I'm so proud of you!"

"Thank you dear, it really means a lot. I've worked hard to get here."

"And this must be one of your agents," she said, pointing at Captain Becker crossing the car park and approaching them.

"Oh, is that the time? We really must be off if we're going to make it to the hospital before visiting hours end," James responded, trying to distract her.

"We've got ages yet. I'd like to talk to this young man. Hello, I'm Pamela Lester. I assume you are an agent for the Administrative Reconnaissance Centre."

Becker shot Lester a look.

'Roll with it," Lester mouthed back pleadingly.

"Yes, Becker's my best agent. Just got back from Iraq where he apprehended some men involved with Al Qaeda planning to enter the UK. And where is it you're off to next Becker?"

"Florida, sir," Becker replied with a smirk.

"I can't imagine there's a lot of problems for the secret services in Florida," Pamela murmured.

"Oh no I'm off on my holiday actually," Becker replied.

"Well that's nice but-"

"Well, we'd best be off," Lester told Pamela, getting into the car and starting the engine.

A few minutes later, Pamela asked, "James, why did Agent Becker's uniform say Anomaly Research Centre on it?"

It was now or never. Did he tell her the truth or dig himself a deeper hole and lie some more? Wouldn't it be worse to suffer the government's punishment than Pamela's wrath?

Clearing his throat, Lester made a decision. It was a gut-wrenching one that filled him with fear but he did it anyway.

"It did? Oh, it was the old acronym we used. Becker must have missed the memo banning the use of the uniform whilst he was in Iraq," Lester lied again.

Pamela nodded in understanding whilst Lester breathed a sigh of relief. How she had believed him, he would never know. His palms were sweating and he could feel the substance on his forehead too. It was a classic sign of dishonesty but she just didn't seem to notice.

Really, having the balls to lie so blatantly and obviously to his wife was quite brave, Lester thought. In fact, it was almost fearless. He'd barely considered how angry she would be, and she was certain to work out after thinking about it that there was no way Anomaly Research Centre could be the Administrative Reconnaissance Centre's old acronym – they didn't mean anything close to the same thing. He'd just done it. He'd been fearless in the face of the consequences of his words.

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**A/N: So what did you think? Leave a review if you've got time. :)**

**Much love, SabreDae  
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**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
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